Three reasons I want to give up sports, but never will

On the days leading up to Valentines Day, when most single girls are wallowing in self-loathing, I shall be brooding on the state of my fandom. Another Super Bowl has come and gone and I find myself disappointed and angry.

Here it should be mentioned that I am a devoted Cowboys fan. Yes, I am from New York. If you must know, I’m a Cowboys fan because my Dad is a Cowboys fan and he’s a Cowboys fan because at the time he was growing up they were actually good. As if that weren’t bad enough, I’m also ashamed to admit that I’m a Mets fan too. Really it’s a miracle I watch sports at all if these are my two favorite teams.

Recently I’ve struggled with the option of giving sports up entirely. Yeah, our relationship has had some good times, but it’s costing me more than it’s benefiting me at this point. Sorry sports, it’s not me, it’s you.

Deep down, sports, you know I still love you but I’ve compiled a list of why I’ve been contemplating leaving you for other forms of entertainment like knitting:

1. My teams always seem to lose in spectacular style.

Nothing exemplifies this point better than 2007. The Mets were ahead in the NL East by 7 ½ games, lost 12 out of their last 17 games, and didn’t even make the playoffs. That was painful, seriously painful, but like any good fan I told myself ‘there’s always next year.’

The Mets then decided that I hadn’t suffered enough and in 2008 blew a lead in their division again and missed the playoffs… again. And now they’re just awful. The pain isn’t even a quick sharp pain like getting your eyebrows waxed. It’s like getting your wisdom teeth pulled and then not having painkillers. It’s steady and awful, for a long time.

2. I live in the wrong part of the country.

Now as most New Yorkers know, New York sports fans generally group themselves like this: Giants/Yankees fans and Jets/Mets fans. There are more Giants/Yankees fans and they are generally more aggressive in pointing out other teams’ inadequacies because their teams do well more so than mine do (Exhibit A: Sunday’s Super Bowl). These fans made fun of me relentlessly as a child and still sometimes do. I can’t escape them in New York. They’re everywhere, even here in Oswego! Maybe I should just move to Montana and not worry about it.

3. Sports are way too mainstream.

This is not me trying to go all hipster on you, this is a fact. After the Super Bowl I was upset because I knew if I was silly enough to sign onto Facebook I’d be slapped in the face with hundreds of “YAY BIG BLUE!!!” type comments. If I checked the New York Times in the morning, as I often do, I’d see those smug, winners’ faces looking back at me. If I turn on the TV I’ll be stuck watching those “We’re going to Disney World!” ads. Not okay.

What I really need to do is get into a sport that most Americans don’t watch. I’m currently thinking curling or rugby but I’m open to suggestions. At least if I root for an awful rugby team most people in the US will have no idea what’s going on and will not, therefore, heckle me.

To be honest though, I’ve already invested too much time and happiness into groups of random male athletes I don’t know and I’m not about to find a new set of them. So sports, I sometimes wish I could give you up, but I’ll probably just curl up in my Emmitt Smith jersey, cry myself to sleep, and dream about next season.

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