The media often portrays the term “victim” as weak, bruised, and easily overpowered. But society needs to make an important distinction: domestic violence victims do not fit into any order. 

The beginning of October also marks the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a necessary reminder to be observant of not just yourself—but your loved ones. According to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic violence (PCADV), one in three women, and one in four men, will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. It is way more common than some might think. We need to break the stigma that only “feminine women” are capable of being abused, or that the only actionable form of domestic abuse is when it is visible. 

These stigmas contributed to an infamous case of domestic violence. In 1996, Sally McNeil, a professional female bodybuilder was charged with the murder of her bodybuilder husband, Ray McNeil, who was killed on Valentine’s Day in 1995. Sally and her young children claimed that Ray had been abusing them for years, and that Sally had killed him in self defense. Despite the testimonies from Sally’s family and friends, she was convicted of second degree murder and ended up serving 25 years in prison. Because of her muscular physique, the jury and public alike found it hard to view her as a “battered woman.” Because she didn’t fit this stereotype, she did not receive the treatment that victims of abuse deserve. 

There are many other dangerous forms of abuse that are not physical. According to Connections for Abused Women and Their Children (CAWC), financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. Physical abuse often stems from economic hardship, which can lead to abusive financial control. Other commonly overlooked forms of abuse can include emotional,

sexual, discriminatory, institutional and many more. Any of these can be damaging to your physical and psychological health.  

So, what can we do as a society to better support all victims of domestic violence? 

There are many steps that we need to take to support the bigger picture. There needs to be more funding going towards shelters that house people of all backgrounds, sexualities, genders, etc. The more inclusive shelters, the better. With that in mind, said shelters need more resources for those with language barriers. Communication is key to understanding someone’s situation and how to help them.  Pertaining to financial dependence, there needs to be more low income housing and accommodations for those who are scared to leave out of financial fear. 

On an individual level, check on your family and friends—even if they seem to be okay. If you yourself are going through a dangerous situation, please utilize the resources below. 

DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Oswego PD: (315 -342-8120 

*For your safety, please dial 911 for any immediate emergencies.