She Said – 2/12/10

Hell, no! I’m just kidding. Maybe.

I think we have all had that experience where you really like a guy, there’s strong chemistry and everything’s going great. So naturally, you are ready to take that next step with him. Everything is absolutely perfect leading up to that moment.

What moment, you ask? You know, the moment when you decide you’re going to have sex. Unfortunately though, the sex is, to say it in the nicest way, horrible. It’s awkward and he doesn’t know what’s going on. Or worse, he thinks he’s the man and afterward he insinuates that you are one "lucky lady" to have slept with a sex god.

If you’re with the latter example then yes, dump him and shower three times. Seriously, wash it off immediately. You should also do your sisterly duty and make sure none of your friends suffer this guy’s sexual wrath. Knowledge is power, so share what you know. That’s what Twitter is for. Hell, make it your Facebook status if you need to. I don’t care what you write, just make sure none of us ever have sex with this guy.

However, if you’re with a guy who is sweet and whom you really dig, then don’t dump him. Would you want a guy to dump you if you weren’t good in bed? It would be hypocritical, then, to dump a guy for his lack of sexual prowess. Instead, you should try to teach him. But don’t do it in a way that says "Hey baby, you suck in bed so I’m going to take over now." I’m guessing that would ruin the mood. Men always complain that women are over-sensitive about their looks. Well, men are even more sensitive about their performance in bed. Subtlety is the key.

Remember the golden rule ladies: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. If what he does isn’t what you like, then teach him how you’d like it done. If your guy still isn’t performing correctly, then maybe it’s time to move on. Come on, sex really is important. Honestly, I’d probably only give him a month. But for the sake of argument, I’ll say that three months is the proper amount of time to teach a guy how to be the sexual god you’ve always fantasized about.