On Monday night, Earnest Washington, the director of campus life at Oswego State, had an open discussion where he spoke with students about how society defines masculinity and affects the mental wellness of men.

Nearly all of the almost 40 students at the “Masculinity and Mental Wellness” Oz Talk in Oneida Hall voiced an opinion on what masculinity means to them. Going through numerous slides of men in stereotypical masculine and unmasculine poses, actions and clothing, Washington asked students to decide whether the men featured in the slides were masculine.

A lot of initial responses to an image of a man crying were that he was not living up to the standards of not showing emotion and toughness, which the group decided were social standards for masculinity. Although a picture can sometimes be worth a 1,000 words, it cannot always tell a whole story.

“I feel like just showing the pictures and not understanding who they are as a person, who am I to say if they are masculine or not?” saidXavier Gillard, an Oswego State student.

Washington opened up about his own struggles with being comfortable showing emotion. Being raised in a family that was filled with military men who were always focused without much emotion, at the age of 27, Washington found something that made him cry: his father dying.

“The second before I walked in the door, he took his last breath,” Washington said. “I did not shed one tear because I had to be strong.” It was not until “Taps” played and everyone else walked away from his father’s burial site that Washington shed his first tear.

It was at that time in his life that Washington had a wake-up call that he and the rest of society needed to assess the intersections among masculinity, emotion and mental wellness. Using “Beauty and the Beast” and player-coach relationships as examples, Washington said that people need to build meaningful relationships with men. A coach takes the time to build a relationship with their players, and that helps players keep their emotions in check even when a coach is yelling directly at them. With “Beauty and the Beast,” Belle takes the time to understand the beast, and building that relationship with her allows him to be comfortable with who he is.

According to Washington, the “traditional” view of masculinity makes men carry a burden of expectation every day.

“I feel like masculinity is something that destroys men,” Gillard said.

Washington emphasized the value of taking time to build relationships with men and getting past the masculine qualities of having little to no emotion and being tough, which can be barriers for building close relationships. These relationships help men to break away from the “traditional” view of masculinity described by Washington.

“Sitting through his talk has kind of changed my whole perception on it because I have the stereotypical thought that most people have, you have to be strong, manly, tough and not show your emotions,” said Peer2Peer educator Darian Fenton. “Now that I have all of this insight from everybody else, I can kind of feel like it’s not that at all, it’s more just being comfortable with who you are and being able to express that.”

P2P organizes the Oz Talks with the hope that students can have discussions on their campus that they cannot have elsewhere, Fenton said. Aside from presenting the Oz Talks series, P2P offers outreach to students with assistance from their office in the Oswego State Counseling Services Center.

Washington said he would like to see the aggressive and tough parts of masculinity funneled in a positive direction for when it is needed in dire situations.

“I think that it starts with building positive relationships with the men in our culture,” Washington said.

The final Oz Talk of the semester will be “The Power of the Mind,” presented by Emmanuel Agyapong, an Oswego State student majoring in wellness management. “The Power of the Mind” Oz Talk will be held on Nov. 7 at 7 p.m. in Waterbury Hall.

Photo: Gregory Caster | The Oswegonian