Two fried eggs, no bacon please

Usually when I sit down to write my “In the Office” I have a topic in mind that I am dead-set on writing about. In the past I’ve written about the drinking age, overseas experiences and growing up. This time, for some reason, I was stuck. I would think of an idea, begin to write and then immediately scratch it.

Come dinner on Wednesday night, I still had no ideas. But while I was eating, the perfect topic hit me like the scent of bacon emanating from a cardboard food box. Actually, that is literally what happened; and that is when I decided to write about bacon.

I hate bacon. Ok, maybe hate is too strong of a word, but I just don’t like it. So, not a big deal right? Lots of people don’t like certain foods. Our Managing Editor Nick doesn’t like celery, one of our copy editors, Ryan, despises mayonnaise, and our Creative Director Devon won’t eat chocolate. Then there is me, who hates bacon, which is apparently one of the highest sins a person can commit.

Recently I was talking to someone about bacon, and I casually mentioned that even though this person loved bacon, I do not really care for it. After I said that the conversation took an unexpected turn. All of a sudden I was being condemned for not being a lover of bacon. I felt this was a strange reaction, but it turned out to be more common than I thought. As I told more people about my dislike for bacon I was surprised to find that most people were horrified and were ready to ostracize me for it.

My question to these people has always been, “Well, why can’t I just not like bacon?” I have received many different answers varying from, “Because it’s just so good,” to, “It’s the American thing to do” and even, “Because it’s basically just god.”

One of our e-board members here at The Oswegonian equated me to being a bacon atheist. I would consider myself more of a bacon agnostic, but either way, bacon is no god of mine.

I am starting to realize that, even though I don’t consider myself an outcast, the group of bacon lovers in America may be one of the largest out there. It’s like being a person who hates the sun and lives in Florida; it’s apparently not acceptable.

Since this has never been an issue for me until recently, I am now trying to think of ways to deal with the intensely negative reaction people have when I tell them I don’t like the salty snack.

One technique I have used, so far with some success, is explaining to people that because I do not like bacon, it means there is more bacon available for them. I recently told The Oswegonian office that if I ever acquired bacon, I would distribute it equally among the staff, and suddenly people had less of a problem with me not liking it.

I am not a vegetarian. I am not particularly picky with food either. I just do not like bacon. I think all I can do now is embrace being part of this small percentage of the American population, and get used to getting weird looks at the diner when I ask them to hold it.