Real vs. Ideal: A Soon-To-Be-College Graduate’s Life Options

So the time has come upon me, a time I thought would never come. College graduation at times seemed so far away. Now, I am about to graduate and I am terrified.

Everyone wants to know if I’m excited to graduate and what I’ll be doing after graduation. The truth is I am excited to graduate, but I’d be more excited if I had a concrete set of steps to follow after graduation. I’m not one of those lucky kids that have a bunch of jobs lined up, the only things I have lined up are empty wine bottles, but I digress.

While I might not have concrete steps, I do have some plans. Two particularly stand out in my mind: the real and the ideal. This isn’t like philosophical ‘worlds of forms’ stuff, these are two plans that might actually work out. One has a really good shot, the other just has a lot of variables, but it could totally happen.

So, the real plan. First and foremost, it involves international travel. There’s only so much torment I can take from jobs rejecting me and graduate schools stringing me along by waitlisting me. I mean, graduate schools, can’t we save the heart breaking ‘maybes’ for my romantic life? Why do you need to keep me guessing as to whether or not we have potential to be serious? No, it’s time for me to move on.

Back to the plan. So America is kinda ruining my jive at the moment and I’ve decided I want to leave for a year I can see when I’m not wanted. Right now I have my sights on Korea. No, not North Korea. Why does everyone assume I’m going to North Korea?

Anyway, teaching English in South Korea. I picked South Korea because I’ve always been interested in Asian culture and I really want to try something different for a while. Also, if you do this one program you get free housing, they pay for your flight, they pay you a good amount of money, and you can double your salary by doing private tutoring. I know, I really could not be more practical. Plus South Koreans are supposed to be goofy. I can be goofy!

While this seems okay, (I mean if you’re into international travel and helping people around the world), I have an ideal plan and this really has potential. For those of you who don’t know me all that well, let me let you in on one of my little quirks: I’m obsessed with Donald Glover.

If you don’t know who he is, there’s still some hope for you I guess, but not that much. He plays Troy on “Community,” he used to write for “30 Rock” and he’s an amazing rapper. Plus he’s not even 30 yet… score! We’re obviously meant for each other.

This is how it’s going to happen: I’m going to see one of his concerts this summer, he’s going to see me, and we’re going to fall in love. I know he says he needs a girl that understands that he’s married to his work. I totally get it. You know what will be married to Donald? Myself, so while you’re in the studio I’ll be enjoying myself because when you’re this pretty you don’t need company.

After a few years of marital bliss between the two of us, we will have kids. I’ll have a job writing and have a talk show much like Ellen’s so we’ll get a nanny, an ugly nanny. I’m going to have 4 kids in rapid succession or I will adopt four Asian babies. I will train these four children to be the best bobsledding team America has ever seen. Cool Runnings? Forget Jamaica, my kids are going to be 10 times cooler and better, God love ‘em.

Totally perfect right? And completely achievable! I guess working in Korea wouldn’t be too bad, but let’s be real here, Donald and I are meant for each other. It’s going to happen. Just you wait.