I do not watch a lot of reality television, but there’s a new show that premiered last fall and has gotten really good the past couple of weeks. It’s really great; you all should watch. On this show, a small group of delusional, over-the-hill men stand around and have a contest to see who can come up with the dumbest possible statement dealing with any political issue. These contestants, called “Republicans,” are really committed to this game, as they try to one-up their opponents and come up with really comical solutions to America’s problems. The audiences are really into it as well, as the really dumb statements, like when the contestant named Newt Gingrich said it is harder to be Christian than gay in America, get the biggest applauses. This show is called “The 2012 Republican Presidential Nomination.” That’s kind of an unwieldy title, but people seem to love it. All of these shows are building up to a big prize, as the winner gets to go on TV with Pres. Obama and say really dumb things while standing next to him. It is a really big deal.
But seriously, the Republican nomination process reminds me of a reality show and I can no longer talk about this election in a normal, predictable way. Over the past month, this election process has broken any and all tethers to reality, and has gone off onto a lunatic tangent where common sense and intelligence wither and die.
I can understand why people want to replace Obama in the White House, but I have a hard time seeing a solution in this motley crew of candidates. You have Mitt Romney, a soulless corporate empty suit who cannot even begin to empathize with the plight of the American people (to be fair, he as other things on his mind, like murdering Sarah Connor so her son doesn’t destroy his fellow machines in the future). Then there’s Rick Santorum, who I think has seen “Back to the Future” too many times, because, it seems like he wants to return America to 1955. There’s Ron Paul, who acts like an overgrown child when journalists question racist statements he made in a Texas newsletter in the early ‘90s and has a variety of plans that would not work in any rational universe.
Finally, there is Newt Gingrich, an audience favorite, who compared gay marriage to paganism, wants to force federal judges to eel at his feet and is on a quest to have sex with every woman on the Eastern seaboard. Also, he is such a good Speaker of the House that Congress censured him, or basically forbade him to talk at the end of his term as Speaker so he wouldn’t embarrass the other Representatives.
One could spend an eternity delving into all the foibles of those candidates, but I do not think there is a point to doing that anymore. The biggest reason: I can objectively say that Obama is a lock to get re-elected. It does not matter if you like it or not, but barring a major scandal, he is going to cruise to re-election. That is because the Republican Party, on its march to lunacy, can no longer find someone who can actually provide stable leadership. They have been taken over by sexual deviants and prudes who just want the spotlight. But in all fairness, if the primaries remain as entertaining as they have been, I will be glad to play along.