He Said – 2/26/10

Sex is a beautiful union of two people expressing their love for each other. Or, in college (and let’s admit, even in the grown-up world), it is a random one-night hookup. Either way you like to define it, there are certain things that simply should not be said to the second half of this love pair, especially while in the bedroom.

Before I continue, I would like to point out that it is not a guy’s fault if they say something upsetting during sex. We are animals and mistakes are bound to happen.

Sayings like "I am used to it this way" or "my ex used to do it for me" are never a good idea. Actually, anything related to an ex is off limits, especially their name. The last thing she wants to picture is you sleeping with another woman. Believe me, women really, really hate that.

From my own personal experience, anything with family or friends is also a big no-no. "Your friend is better," or "you think your mom will want to join?" almost never work. She’ll just end up even more upset and you’ll most likely end up not having sex at all. Avoid these topics with a passion.

Personal hygiene is another area that should always be completely avoided. Stop yourself from saying, "your back acne is flaring up again," "why is it so hairy?" and my personal favorite, "I think they make a cream for that." These quotes will turn fun, sexual activity into a fight for your life.

Other subjects to avoid include asking to turn the lights off and completely random statements. Explaining to her how you just recovered from an STD and asking if she remembered to take birth control do not mix well with sex.

Some acceptable sayings include, but are not limited to, "wow, lets do that again" and "I am completely satisfied." These do wonders to improve the sexual experience.

Sex can be a grand ole’ time as long as you can learn to keep your mouth shut about certain topics. If you are able to follow these simple steps and keep the conversation light, fun and maybe even a bit witty, then you are on the right course to that beautiful union of two people. Good luck, and have fun. If you let it, it can be quite the ride.